A Snarky Conversation with My Self

[SELF] I can’t believe you’re going to sell Jerri’s car and keep all the money. That’s basically stealing, you know.

    Sigh. Here we go. I really dislike my self. You’re about to see why.

[ME] You say that like its a fortune. It’s $700 bucks. We spent $400 just to get the car back from the sheriff and over to CarMax for an estimate.

    For those playing catch up, Jerri, my sister, who is also bipolar, tried to sell her car to Travis who made two payments and then split with the vehicle. He got picked up for burglary and the sheriff repossessed the car. And that’s what you missed on Glee.

[SELF] Yeah, well you’d have gotten a better deal if you’d posted it on Craig’s list. And why are you keeping the $300? Huh? What’s up with that?

[ME] Are you freakin’ kidding? The car’s a total disaster after Travis had his way with it. The keys are lost. There’s no license plate. All of the tires are flat. The odometer doesn’t even display. There’s a dent the length of the car on one side. And the interior looks like Edward Scissorhands lost a contact and Freddy Krueger helped find it.

[SELF] You should give Jerri the $300.

[ME] What is your problem? You know as well as I do she owes me that money.

[SELF] Yeah, but you don’t need it. She does. You’re just greedy. It’s her money and you’re taking it. Because you can. Because there’s nothing she can do about it.

    See? See what I have to put up with? Always, always, always with the accusations.

[ME] Seriously? You’re going with greedy? After all I do for her? Leasing a storage unit, taking her to movies, lunch, dinner, to Walmart and Dollar Tree. Has it ever occurred to you, that keeping the money is for her own good? She has to learn to be accountable. That when you borrow money, you pay it back. That if you sell your car, you pay back people you owe before buying a play station or laptop or scooter. That’s what you do.

[SELF] But you’re not teaching her anything. You’re not allowing her to make that choice. You’re MAKING her give you the money.

[ME] She won’t do it otherwise. Even when she’s in her right mind, she’s like a kid. Given the choice, a kid is not going to eat spinach or go to bed at 9:30 pm. The money will be gone within 24 hrs and she’ll have nothing to show for it.

[SELF] You could make a deal with her. If she really wants a scooter, you could hold it until she’s saved up the rest.

[ME] And what about what she owes me?

[SELF] Just let it go. You don’t NEED the money.

[ME] It’s not about THAT. It’s about doing what’s right. What you’re suggesting feels like the easy way out. Give her the money. Avoid confrontation. Isn’t that what our parents always did?

[SELF] Well, if making her pay you back is the right thing to do, why do you feel so guilty?

[ME] BECAUSE OF YOU, YOU FREAKIN’ IDIOT! Why can’t she just do the right thing? Why can’t she just say, “It really sucks that we couldn’t get more for the car. But you guys did all the work to sell it and I owe you more than I’ll ever be able to pay you, so you just keep that money.” You know if that was her attitude, I’d feel a lot more gracious. I’d feel like I could be generous because she wasn’t acting all entitled.

[SELF] Shouldn’t you be generous no matter how the other person behaves?

[ME] Shouldn’t I just lie down and let everyone wipe their feet on my face?

[SELF] Is that rhetorical?

[ME] I hate you.

[SELF] smirk

    And they say I’m the normal one . . .

7 Comments on “A Snarky Conversation with My Self”

  1. Bless your heart. You are a great sister. You’ll do what is right for you guys.

  2. gardengirrrl says:

    Not even gonna comment on the content, as you seem to have both sides of the argument covered! Seriously, that was good. Really, really good. I’m sure that many people in similar situations will be able to relate to this.

    Oh, and tell “self” to zip it:)

  3. soulsister says:

    As you said in one of your prior posts, take the emotion out of it. Look at the lesson, you will make the right decison. Tough love is tough on everyone!

  4. cathyalford says:

    Oh, he old sabboteur!! Definitely alive and well. 🙂 at leadt you recognize it and call it out to confront it. You are good and you will do the right thing…. For you and Jerri. You are a good sister.

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